Sunday, 7 September 2008

Babies

This is a controversial post.
Please note - what I type out here are my thoughts on the topic.
If you have any thoughts on the same, write it on your own blog.
If you disagree with me on any fact to be mentioned below – comment.
I shall entertain the idea of entertaining your disagreement.

I am not too fond of babies.

Every single time I have stated the above, I have had to deal with the following:
1) A long, boring monologue on why babies are a symbol of innocence, purity and everything good that exists or is believed to exist on Earth.
2) A cold, reprimanding look which tries to force the words ‘oh! I am wrong’ out of my sealed mouth.
3) ‘Are you crazy?’ – I’m not entirely sure how to respond to this question.
4) ‘How can you say such a horrendous, inhuman thing?’ – Well, I just did! Maybe you should try next! It is pretty simple to say if you know a funny language called English.
5) ‘You just think it is cool to say so.’ – is it cool? I had no idea!!!
6) And the worst of all - ‘You will grow out of it eventually.’ I hope not.

Almost every person I have come across thinks babies are lovely.
Every female I know wants to become a baby producing machine some day.
In this post I’m going to prove and rest my case on why I am not too fond of babies.

Making them is a Herculean task.

- It is either when you least want it or after nights of toiling hard (forgive the pun) that you finally get it right/wrong.
- 280 days of misery follows during which these ‘babies’ survive as parasites. In addition, you have to deal with a big belly which restricts every possible normal human activity: standing, sleeping, eating, peeing, sitting, shitting – everything.
- 12 hours of pain struggling to get the damn thing out of you. This pain (from what I have seen) is beyond my limited vocabulary, but bears a close resemblance to the torture in Nazi concentration camps.
- Baby comes into being. Slimy, dirty, monkey-faced baby comes into being.

Amusing them is, again, pure torture.

- They cry all the time.
- They either cry or sleep or are hungry.
- They cry for everything, you don’t realize what they want.
- They are stupid.
- All they care about is their wants. Others’ schedules take a backseat.
- They are selfish.
- They are not as innocent as they seem: they know what they essentially need to survive and go to great lengths to get whatever it is that they want, at any cost.
- They have no manners.
- They expect us to clean their mess.
- They just make stupid noises and think they can have their way.
- They love the attention!

And they are supposed to be cute.
Read my post again, with an adult human taking the place of the baby.
Does the human being cute justify these atrocities?
It doesn’t as far as I am concerned.

I am not too fond of babies.

22 comments:

Abhi said...

And to think..you were a baby once
;-)

Another Blogger said...

thank god i didn't have to deal with me!!! :)

The Genesis of Oblivion said...

lol..babies-A means of torture!!..lol..:D

now i really know how to get u to do things!! hahaha...

Another Blogger said...

wat?? u gonna make babies now??? geez.. that will be fun to watch!

^Lejin^ said...

Hey, its normal for a woman who loves freedom to wonder whether a baby would take it away(scared huh?)..And the pain is considered to be the worst any woman normally suffers durin her lifetime(unless shes tortured by terrorists)..But u kno, Blogs are written and deleted in a click, for most women just the smile & warmth of their Baby is worth all the pain..U heard of "Oxytocin", right, recently they figured out its dat guy which makes a women forget the pain of childbirth and struggles in a very short time..U need a DOSE now??..:)

Another Blogger said...

its not the pain which scares me.. its the amusing bit!!!
and no thanks i have my hormones under control...

^Lejin^ said...

Hey these are "atrocities" only when are done by an Adult..A baby doesnt know..Moral Laws dont apply to them ..A baby "wants" not "needs" its share of Love & Caring..

Another Blogger said...

who told moral laws dont apply to them?? why dont they apply to them??
what is the difference between a baby and an adult?
they dont know because they're too stupid to understand.. and this is what makes them even more atrocious!!

^Lejin^ said...

its the job of the Mother/Father to teach them, their Brains arent completely developed at dat stage, (it aint their fault) ..They dont learn from textbooks,but usually from trial & error..They deserve more than wat adults deserve..Wen u give them Time,Patience, Knowledge,& Love & a Freedom to Think & Choose, They Grow into great Ppl like u.. :)

Another Blogger said...

well i jus think its easier loving a person like me than a baby... lol!! :)

The Genesis of Oblivion said...

guys!!..pls quit actin like babies!!..GROW UP BOTH OF U!!!

Another Blogger said...

ok.. i knew this post would be controversial before posting it... but this is way overboard!!...
genesis of oblivion: I AM NOT A BABY!!!! nor am i acting like one.. cos last i heard babies dont know how to express themselves - the best they can do is goo goo n gaa gaa...

lejin: go haead become a paediatrician or kid lover or whatever.. leave me alone, you cant change how i feel. period

KeyzEr SoZe said...

u almost made me hate them.
but naah u cant!

Another Blogger said...

almost is good enough... :)

Tys on Ice said...

:) as a father of 2, I will have to agree with everything u said...wrote abt it here

http://tysonice.blogspot.com/2007/07/dont-you-believe-it.html

gayathri said...

the most wonderful things in life are always achieved with a lot of struggles and pains..success without excruciations are never savored..

Another Blogger said...

tys on ice : it took u 2 kids to understand what i already have.. hehe.. anyway better late than never.. good luck :)

gayathri : i dont understand a couple of references u have made - 'wonderful things' and 'success'
- i jus mentioned in detail why babies are not 'wonderful things' and as for 'success'- success in what?? creating atrocities? or waiting for them to grow up to be well mannered adults? the pain is not worth it. population explosion already, remember?!!

Anonymous said...

babies kill all in the fun in marriage .. esp the sex !! I am a person who doesnt knw wat to do infront of a baby wen the idiot is luking at me ! And there was a study somewhere ( USA most prolly ) which showed although ppl think they will be happier after having a baby, they dont actually !! Haha !

So babies - 0 , adults - 1 .. suck on tat -- babies !!

Another Blogger said...

1-0 is a wonderful beginning...
we'll get them...
im sure!!
go adults!!!

Elessar said...

well, they'll grow up eventually, and all the defects will hopefully vanish ;)
yeah, maybe its a pain to some ppl, to bear with them till then....but i just feel its interesting...i mean, at least in a purely scientific way- u get to learn a lot.
And, well, as for the torture...its a lil bit of luck...sometimes the developed product is worth the pain...
kinda like an investment...u lose-hoping to gain bigger...

Another Blogger said...

@ Elessar: ah! you're bak. long time since I saw your feedback on the road to enlightenment!!
You seem to be a very 'scientific' person! I agree on the 'investment' bit. It is an investment with lots at stake - and I think it does not deserve to be called innocent or cute.

Bindu said...

I *think* (for the benefit of the others who will be scandalized by my confession) I agree with you :D

B

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