Dos and Don'ts

Every relationship comes to an end.
Some end faster than others.
Some end more bitter than others.
Some, well, they just end.

I decided to post on the dos and don’ts of any relationship (wtf?!), which at least one among the partners, unmistakably, preaches – making life more difficult than difficult for everyone, especially the other partner.

Males are different from females – more different than you can imagine but at the same time more similar than what would be considered healthy.
Unfortunately for me, I have some sort of power (which I’m not too proud of) to think both ways (which always ends up in me not thinking at all).
I shall be mentioning the preaching of the two sexes separately.

FEMALES - (Ladies first – wtf?!)

Dos:
1) Think about me every second of your life – easy for the jobless to say.
2) Send me flowers everyday – why don’t you start gardening?
3) Look into my eyes and tell me I’m the most beautiful lady on earth every day – this one is really tough, takes practice!
4) Be extremely hygienic – I agree with this one (shall explain in the next post).
5) I shall be your first, second, third… hundredth… millionth and only priority in life – get a life, lady!!!

Don’ts:
1) Do not smoke unless I’m a smoker – it is apparently bad for health only if the lady doesn’t smoke.
2) Do not drink too much which later on proceeds to do not drink – apparently you talk gibberish once you are drunk (note: the gibberish was called cute once upon a time)
3) Do not listen to any other female – especially your mother! No comments.
4) Do not take any decision in your life without discussing with me and doing exactly what I think is right for you – this leads to no decision being taken, most of the time.
5) Do not have too many friends – do not have a life, in short.

MALES – (I’m so enjoying this!)

Dos:
1) Clean my mess – which is equivalent to cleaning a pig sty.
2) Treat me like king – delusion of grandeur, every man suffers from it!
3) Cook for me, good food 24*7 – get a chef for a wife!
4) Laugh at my stupid jokes – this gets so boring after a while.
5) Remain perfect bodied even if my six pack becomes ten flab – WTF?!

Don’ts:
1) Never remind me of any date that may be special – I, unfortunately, completely agree with this.
2) Do not discuss tomorrow. Live today – this is when tomorrow becomes a question.
3) Do not tell me what to do. I am rarely wrong. I know what is to be done – delusion of grandeur again.
4) Do not question my dealings with other women, but you shall not talk ‘too much’ to any other man – how much is too much?!!
5) Do not take me shopping. Ill bicker and rant like a two year old – even if it is for him!!

Well the list is never ending – in both the cases, and may be subject to a little rearrangement in the case of 'the confused'.
I am not adding more to the list than what I have mentioned – not because I can’t – but because this double sex role play is giving me a head ache.

Stop preaching, you are not enlightened enough for doing so!