Thursday, 28 August 2008

Drugged insomniac

I am an insomniac.
And I don’t think being an insomniac or calling myself one is cool.
I am an insomniac - not by choice.

My Insomnia, however, is not the complete inability to sleep.
I usually feel sleepy at six in the morning.
The earliest I have forced myself to sleep during the past six months is at two a.m. because I had to wake up at five a.m.
The latest I have slept is at eleven a.m. after which I woke up at seven p.m.

You might think it is because I don’t try, but I have!
My vain attempts have included:
- having warm milk (eww!)
- having hot water baths
- reading horribly boring books
- counting sheep, monkeys, kangaroos, elephants – everything!
I have tried to sleep harder than any of you can ever imagine!

I have had struggles with Insomnia which are of historical importance.
My battles with Insomnia have many a times put the monster to sleep.
I have defeated Insomnia umpteen number of times.
Unfortunately, Insomnia has defeated me more.
And, here I am, losing an unfair battle but not accepting defeat, longing for victory – longing for blissful sleep.

I have met and shared similar stories of unsuccessful battles against Insomnia with many other insomniacs at odd times. It feels good to have company when you have nothing to do.
But some day they all leave.
They defeat insomnia, forever – unlike me.

What do I do at night?
I don’t do anything.
I sit around and wait for sleep to arrive.
I sometimes lie down and wait for sleep.
Sometimes I talk to other insomniacs and wait for sleep.
Sometimes I stand and wait for sleep.
Basically, I jus wait for sleep.
Wait, wait, wait……

But last night I was drugged!
I can’t figure out who/what it maybe.
I went to sleep at eleven thirty – p.m. not a.m.!!!
I was typing out a post and talking to a fellow insomniac and the next thing I remember is waking up (without an alarm!!) at 7:20 a.m. for my 8:00 a.m. class - Which I generally never attend.

My questions are – was I drugged?
Or was it the post which put me to sleep?
If it was the post, what was it about?
Can I type it out again tonight?
Can I defeat insomnia again tonight?
Will I be able to defeat Insomnia once and for all in this bloody battle which has been going on for far too long?

Bring it on, Insomnia!
I am going to slit your throat and have your blood on my hands tonight!!!
And oh! It sure is going to feel good!

8 comments:

Dan* said...

its better to see a doctor but dont take any sleeping medicines ........ i heard its like drug you get addicted to it ...

RINZU SUSAN RAJAN said...

its not safe to all dat you mentione...its not right to play with ur health and ur life in turn...
kindly give upm this habit...

god blesss

Another Blogger said...

guys chill.. i havent taken any pills!! i think ritin a post is wat drugged me.. tht was wat i was talkin bout.. not pills as such!!

UNICEF said...

well wad do u know?!!..d author has got a papa(dan) and a mamma(rinzu)..nice goin blogger!!..[;)]

Santa Claus said...

dan and rinzu..ur truly good kids!!..showin d path of light to a lost sheep always reaps rewards!!..u can look forward to a gift for christmas now!!

Arjun said...

hehe.....
R u sure u din't read ma blog yesterday..!!!!

Watch the 'second-half' of any yash raj - karan johar movies ya .... or if u r a cricket fan, get a recorded tape of Dravid's batting in a test match..... watch em'....

I suddenly feel like a doctor..!!
Anyway, thanks for bearing with the crap.....
Just came across ur blog, looks good... will read on..

Cheers..!!
Arjun

Jane Turley said...

Oh, I really sympathize. I've had trouble on and off for years. As a teenager I had diffculty getting to sleep and would often have very vivid dreams too but once I was asleep I was relatively OK although the slightest sound has always awoken me.

I think having children( the first 17 years ago) really finished me off though..they were all bad sleepers.. and I've rarely slept through the night (even though they all sleep well now) since. At one point when the youngest was a baby and feeding regularly and my toddler was having night terrors it was absolutely awful- I 'd been without decent sleep for about 2.5 years and I was so exhausted I finally succumbed and went to the doctor. "One tablet should do the trick for you", she said. Three hours and two tablets later I was still awake.

I gave up the tablets after 2 weeks through fear of addiction and in the course of time things improved. I am left with an appalling legacy though.. wanting to sleep but not being able to... mainly it is because my mind is overactive I know.

It goes in swings and roundabouts...sometimes I have better phases..this last phase has been nearly 2 years so I'm pretty fed up!

Exhaustion works best for me.. I stay up late and try to wear myself out so that I get at least 4hours on the trot..then I can function. Less than four hours makes life very hard.

I don't think the difficult hours doctors have to work can be helping you. It's a tough life you've chosen in that respect. But the one thing I have found helps is happiness...the less there is to worry about the better I sleep.

I hope you sleep well Another Blogger tonight...and since I'm an A1 insomniac too you know that I mean it from the bottom of my heart!

Another Blogger said...

thanks Mrs T,
i should say you seem to be much more experienced as far as insomnia is concerned... i have had this since i was 14, that is about seven years now.
i don't want to think about how bad it might get after having children!!
and I am not a doctor as yet, just in the process. there is one advantage though - since i don't sleep much i get to read more the day before exams..
hope you have better luck soon :)

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