Tuesday, 18 November 2008

It's Ally again!

Seems like people love reading how weird I am.
The awesome response to my last post on 'My Ally McBeal moments' has led me to post some more.
So here goes.

These moments however are quite original as the hallucinations have never been featured in any Ally McBeal episode I know of.

1) Hammering

This happened sometime in the beginning of this year.
I do not remember which month exactly – but I do remember I was under a lot of stress at the time.
I had a deadline to meet for the magazine publishing and time seemed to flying.
The designer (I shall post about him soon) was giving me a very tough time.
I slept for only about three to four hours a day.
And the ultimate ‘stress factor’ was me not eating much thanks to lack of time.

I had my medicine clinical postings going on.
For those of you who do not know – medicine posting is one of the most trying postings and I am not too fond of how boring it gets at times.
We were supposed to present cases everyday to a professor who would then discuss the case – sometimes at length and sometimes in brief.

On this particular day I was extremely cranky.
The only reason I attended posting was because the professor who was supposed to take class for us was known to finish it off quickly and let us be.
I reached posting at nine fifteen – I had gone to sleep at around five thirty.
No breakfast as usual.
The case was taken by some irritating ‘know-it-all’ the previous evening (talk about heights of joblessness!). It was a pretty straight forward case with no complications and not much discussion required.
The professor arrived at eleven.
I was fuming.
The case presentation seemed to go on forever with the professor interrupting at the end of every word of every sentence.
The presentation came to an end at noon.
The professor discussed the case for another fifteen minutes and then took the attendance register.
And that was when ‘Mr I-am-so-curious-to-know-crap’ asked a doubt… and then another… and then another.

It happened.
I got a humongous bright yellow hammer from nowhere and I started hammering ‘Mr I-am-so-curious-to-know-crap’ with all the strength I could muster. The ground started giving away and I kept hammering him into the depths of some sort of molten earth underneath.

The next thing I know I feel faint.
I guess all the hammering made me tired.
I steady myself on the patient’s bed and tell the professor I am not feeling too well.
Attendance was taken and the class was adjourned.
And believe it or not - ‘Mr I-am-so-curious-to-know-crap’ was blasting away his doubts even after the class was over.
I pity the professor.

2) Diced balls

I have nothing against men.
I have nothing against single men flirting in good faith either.
But when the flirting becomes uncivilised, it is unbearable.

This happened two weeks back during my exams.

There is this certain post graduate who has a reputation of flirting with all the female students posted in the same unit as his.
I was posted in his unit.
This post graduate is nothing short of being a ‘dickhead’ as in he does not have a brain, only a dick. His eyes are always fixed at a point much lower than the face of the female he is talking to. He walks in a very well planned manner so as to brush past every female’s body. He, in short, is like almost every other man – except he does what he thinks and gets caught at it every single time.

I hated him from the very first ‘encounter’ and have been quite successfully trying to avoid him since then.
This was until he came for invigilation during our exams.

Two hours into the exam and I needed an extra sheet.
He gives it to me looking at the same fixed point.
I ask for another sheet.
Same fixed point again.
Double dickhead.

Most of the post graduates were ‘helping’ students who asked for ‘help’ during the exam. Some of them were writing down answers for them.
I would rather die than ask him!

I ask for another sheet – now I would like to point out that I am very good at writing ‘nothing’ in a lot of words and also my hand writing is very spaced out, hence so many extra sheets. It is not because I know much.
He hands over the sheet.
He leans forward.
I lean backward.
He asks me if I need any help with an extremely disgusting smile on his face.

And then it began.
I had two of those extremely sharp but tiny knives with me.
I did some extremely complex and inexplicable movements with my hands.
I dropped the knives and picked up a small porcelain bowl which was on my exam table – all within nanoseconds.
I made sure every diced piece of his external genitalia (which was now in air) fell into the porcelain bowl and handed it to him with a smile.
Bon appetit.

He asked me again if I needed any help.
I croaked out a no even though I really could have used some help.
There are moments in life when you wish you had the power to make hallucinations real – I experienced that moment then.

That is all for now.
Do comment and let me know if you have had any similar experiences.
I will post more soon – but for now this should quench your thirst for weird stuff.


Arjun said...

haha... u come across all sorts of weird ass***** .....

And abt the hammering, i've faced it so many times ya... We used to have a 10min break in the mornin after the second hour and there used to be one 'mad-case' who used to get all the doubts in those 10mins... I couldn't even pee.. lol ;)

Anyways, the quench is over..


Another Blogger said...

hey.. i guess every normal person comes across these irritating 'mad cases' in their lives..
glad i could quench your thirst.

Zanil Hyder said...

are you reffering to those with doubts by your expression "Mr i am curious about ...'

I was known for my notoriety in Rapid fire questions during Engg Final year Seminar sesssions.

by the way about you knives and porcelain .......

Had you been a Male ,not only females from KMC, or Mangalore but the entire westcoast would have been terrorised,

God the Wise Architect.

Another Blogger said...

yes i am referring to those who have a never ending list of doubts with 'mr curious...'.
they anger me for more than one reason:
first, they question about things that have already been clearly stated during the class. if they listen carefully instead of thinking up doubts they will know they're asking stupid and irrelevant questions.
secondly, they do not have any consideration whatsoever about their classmates, the professor or time.
if these people really have such genuine 'lists' of doubts they must meet the professors in person one on one and discuss it. it will save others from fainting during classes!!

And as for me being a male and terrorizing females - you wrong there. i do not believe in acting like an uncivilized dickhead in order to impress someone. if you intend on impressing do it with your intellect or your charm, do it with some dignity (for yourself and for the person you are flirting with) - not by staring at parts of bodies and brushing past them!!!

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