Thursday, 20 November 2008

The designer

I was just reading my blog (I do that at times – helps refresh the enlightened status) and I realised how serious my posts have become, other that the Ally again post.
My blog is literally screaming for change.

This post is about my first serious thoughts about committing murder.

As you all may know by now from the posts ‘the beginning…’, ‘licking ass’ and ‘my middle finger’ I was the college editor last year (unfortunately).
From day one, the only task I did not look forward to was the college magazine.
But the tasks you seem to run away from always seem to get to you faster.
It began with the hunt for a designer who was:
- within Mangalore.
- ready to take orders from me and do things as I say.
- ready to offer quality work dirt cheap.
It was quite an impossible task.
But we found someone in no time, let us call him X – I should have been suspicious then but my belief in the goodness of humanity got the better of me.

A colleague from the editorial board accompanied me during our first meeting about the budget and other boring stuff.
I hate to admit this – but I liked X then (maybe because he offered us stuff to eat).

We spent one month brainstorming – at the end of which we were quite satisfied at how things were going according to plan.
The next month was for designing and printing – it was May 2008.
Undoubtedly, this was by far the worst and the best month of my life so far.
It was the best because adversity is known to bring the strangest of people together in a funny bond called friendship.
It was the worst because of the adversity – X.

Now I shall list out the reasons why I forever shall hate this man:
1) He made me miss my meals.
2) He is a male chauvinist.
3) He enjoyed making fun of me in Kannada unaware of the fact that I understand bits and pieces.
4) He made me cranky at everyone.
5) He made me scream at his nice assistant every day.
6) He was forever coochie-cooing with his wife/girl friend/boy friend/whatever.
7) His mobile had an irritating ring tone.
8) His mobile rang whenever I was trying to explain to him some detail.
9) His fifteen minutes equals 4 hours.
10) He always told he would be back in fifteen minutes.
11) His ‘tea-breaks’ went on forever.
12) He worked for barely twenty minutes in the 5 hours we used to spend daily in his dinghy office.
13) He felt my cutting classes and missing attendance was insignificant enough for him to go for ‘fifteen minute’ breaks.
14) He blamed us for not getting the matter on time.
15) He worked fast but his work was horrible unless we spelled out each and every detail of the designing.
16) He loved the word tomorrow.
17) He was superstitious about working on certain days of the week.
18) He took days off to celebrate ‘his’ political party’s victory.
19) He used to treat me like I am the one being paid and not the one paying.
20) He knew we needed his work badly and made complete use of it.
21) He saw our magazine as an opportunity for his accounts manager to improve upon his designing skills.
22) He found it very difficult to understand the word ‘now’.
23) He was responsible for many among the editorial board members failing in our first internals.
24) His fifteen days for printing went on to become more than a month.
25) He scrapped our ideas without letting us know about it.
26) He made me an insomniac for more than a month.
27) There were days when I walked more than 2kms back and forth from the place because the walk used to calm me down.
28) He thought his warts were some sort of luck.
29) He was the laziest man on Earth.
30) We had to pay him almost three lakhs for our blood, sweat and tears – the only consolation being at least it is not our money.

At the end of two months and just after we had given the magazine for printing we came up with the idea of murdering him.
The plan was to hire an assassin with the money from the fund.
We dropped the plan because we needed the magazines.

I harbour the dream of breaking all his bones till this day.


k.ø.c.h.ü said...

:-) that was an "eye opener".hoo our magazine is about 2 b released too

Another Blogger said...

Oh yes it sure was an eye opener, for me too. I used to think grown ups were not difficult to handle... little did i know!
I think i have seen one of your college magazines.
Will try to get hold of this one.

Tara said...

"Male chauvinist"
I hate MCPs too! Such a pain in the neck!

"His fifteen minutes equals 4 hours.
He always told he would be back in fifteen minutes."

Well said! Bravo! :) Hehee!

Another Blogger said...

Pain in the neck for sure!
Most guys think females are feminists if we call a man an MCP .. what they don't understand is there is a stand in between where we are neither feminists nor one who tolerates male chauvinists!!!

thanks :)

Sandeep Balan said...

u need help in making your dreama reality....?? He he....

Hilarious stuff....the ease with which you write n present such normal stuff is so rarely found....enlightened!

Another Blogger said...

ah! i sure would love help. the only thing i worry about is how everyone would, for sure, name me as prime suspect!!
thanks :)

The Genesis of Oblivion said...

HOLY MOLLY!!!...Now I really do understand why people tend to be on your side most of the time!!..

" 30 Reasons why your adversary is an ass" post made me picture every point!! was almost like watching "A SITCOM"..Well Done!!..I liked the sarcasm!!

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