If not this then what?

I have written about how wonderful my college is in ‘fist for fun’.
I have written about how unforgettable medicine can be in ‘fingering’.
I have written about how gifted we, the medical students, are in ‘mathematics’.

This post is about my ‘career options’.
I came up with this list during the couple of months when my college had a small tiff with the Medical Council of India and decided to ‘de-recognize’ us.
During that period of time I dreamt of a life beyond this drudgery.
But, my dreams were short-lived.
I guess I will end up becoming a doctor after all.
I reached this conclusion after considering the following options:

1) Chef
I can cook – I think every glutton should know how to cook.
I love creating ‘yummy’ from ‘eww’.
The aroma of spices, the beautiful colours and the taste…
I love food.
I think I can become a wonderful chef with a tad of training and a lot of self control.
The self control is to make sure I don’t eat up everything.
And I do not believe in self-control as far as food is concerned.
So withdraw option ‘chef’.

2) Lawyer
I love proving my point of view.
I love making my bullshit seem unbelievably believable.
The only reasons I did not choose this career is because:
a) I always get caught at lying if I know I am lying.
b) I cannot imagine how they can actually learn all those horrible ‘section numbers’ and ‘articles’.

3) Author
I still want to be an author.
The only problem is I do not have anything to write about.
As of now, I have decided to write the first student-friendly, funny and interesting surgery text book (after about twenty years).
I need to come up with a nice name though – do give me suggestions.

4) Teacher
As I have already mentioned, I like the idea of sharing my bullshit.
But I know for a fact I can never become a teacher.
This is because:
a) I hate small human beings (especially ‘babies’)
b) I cannot express myself too well, as mentioned in my post ‘teacher’, my sentences have a tendency to go on forever, with a lot of punctuation.

5) House wife
I love the idea of just sitting at home and I am a cleanliness freak so I think I will make a good house wife.
But I need to earn a living.
I cannot live off pocket money for the rest of my life.
Since I hate children, I am sure I would feel lonely at home alone.
And if I do have children, being locked in the same house with them will be like living a nightmare.
Cancel option ‘house wife’ immediately.

6) Soldier
If it is anything like how they show it in the movies, I would love to become a soldier.
I am not very patriotic but I am patriotic enough.
I don’t like the idea of war though.
Anyway, if I can become a soldier, I want to become a male soldier.
Since I am not a man (as of now), I think I will have to call off this idea too.
And I am not interested in undergoing a sex change operation.

7) Saleswoman
I can be manipulating.
I am known to be manipulating.
And I can go on talking forever.
But I hate saleswomen.
They nag a lot.

8) Business woman
I guess everyone likes to make money.
My mathematics skills suck worse than that of a 5 year old though.
I cannot manage my accounts even if I had a scientific calculator.
And I am supposed to have the sort of hands in which money never stays for more than a day.
I guess business would be synonymous to bankruptcy in my case.

9) Scientist
I love their hair dos.
And I think my I.Q. is not so bad either.
But I cannot waste my life on something someone a hundred years from now will take credit for.
And I have heard scientists make boring company.

10) Journalist
I am very nosy.
I like the idea of appearing on T.V. or having my name on a newspaper.
I am good at getting people to talk.
But somehow, no offence meant to the journalists out there, I think they are always the people in the sidelines.
Most people only bother about the matter or the news, not about the person who got it.
And after watching the movie ‘Up close and personal’ I gave up the idea.
The last thing I want is to become anything like Michelle Pfeiffer.

11) Astronaut
I really want to sing two songs in space:
a) ‘What a wonderful world’ by Louis Armstrong.
b) ‘I’ve got the whole world in my hands’ a slightly modified version of the gospel song.
I have a feeling this one is slightly far fetched – even for me.

12) Preacher/Priest
I love preaching.
I think it is pretty obvious from this blog that I love preaching.
But I am not too sure about the ‘higher power’ myself.
So I wouldn’t be too good at it.

13) Magician
This idea came into being thanks to ‘The Prestige’ and ‘The Illusionist’.
And I love all those shows on AXN.
I would rather like becoming a witch than a magician – perform real magic (but I doubt its existence).
I am quite a klutz though – which rules out all possibilities of becoming a magician.

The only other profession I can think of is Medicine.
As much as it might seem to disgust people, I do love the idea of cutting up people – of course, only to make them better… (evil laugh!)

I don’t think the ‘nobility’ associated with becoming a doctor ever interested me.
I just like the idea of giving hope to the hopeless.
And there are a lot of hopeless people out there.
Dr. House made me fall in love with it more.
I am not fond of any other ‘medical T.V. shows’ though – No, not even Scrubs.

So, even though I hate the number of extremely heavy, boring and undoubtedly student ‘un-friendly’ textbooks we are supposed to learn from, I guess I have to finish two more years of this drudgery to start cutting up people.

I am pretty sure I am going to take this profession into a new dimension.